Loving – Finding contentment in the moment, whilst aching for New Zealand

Loving the time my daughters are sharing together. I haven’t seen my oldest two so close for years and our youngest is loving the constant interaction of having her older sisters around.

Sisters close through time well spent together

Loving the natural flow of our days, where ‘fitness’ is a swim in the pool, a bike ride to the village or a run on the beach. There’s no classes to dash to, or planned events, simply time for the children to be together and fill their time naturally – which they do with wonderful ease. Though of course they are missing so much from their lives in Wellington, New Zealand too. Our eldest misses her dance classes, her school friends and neighbourhood friends, her choir and singing lesson. At the age of ten, her friends are her world. As much as this experience here is wonderful too, she is keenly aware of missing the continuity of her happy life that she enjoyed so much in vibrant Wellington. The other children miss their close neighbours and friends. I miss my support networks and the friendships that have built up over the seventeen years we’ve spent living in New Zealand.

Where we are, right now, is a beautiful place, but the energy required to make it feel like ‘home’ is HUGE. Yes the weather is incredible here in Santa Barbara – but really that isn’t enough to trade up life-long friendships for and our children’s happiness! I can live with wind – in fact it makes me feel alive (the horizontal rain in the wind isn’t something I miss – but ‘all-weather gear’ helps to battle that!). Yes, the financial rewards of staying and career opportunities for the man of the house are incredible – but again – family, above all else, is so much more important and no value can be placed on that.

Family

So, in the meantime, we are taking each day as it comes. The girls are making the most of this time together as sisters. There is learning happening – but the children don’t call it that, until I point out that the game they’ve invented using a bingo wheel is maths, the songs they have written are ‘creative writing’ and the designs they made on a fashion App is ‘visual art and design’. They play board games, argue on strategy, practice their English grammar with games like ‘Mad Libs‘. They ask for my camera to take photographs of the lizards in the garden, they ask to go to the Zoo, so they can learn more about snakes (my oldest), I walk in on them reading a book at leisure or watching a nature documentary (or Merlin – a favourite at the moment).

When weekends come round, and the man of the house is on deck, we visit museums and parks, and their minds glitter with new interest and questions. During the week we make the most of places in our locality, learning happens everywhere. In the evenings, after work, their Daddy asks them maths problems in the spa pool.

Our youngest is learning the way the others did at the age of three, fast and enthusiastically, moving from cutting and drawing, painting and sticking, to counting her toy trains and ponies, observing sizes and shapes, letters and numbers, full of questions about the world about her, the animals that share the earth and where we are ‘in Space’. She is the best, out of all of us, at living in the moment. She stops to notice the flowers and asks to ‘Pick for Mumma’.

Flowers for Mumma

She sits with me in the garden and watches nature. She sees the woodpecker on the tree and the butterfly gliding overhead.

Woodpecker

We are trying to make the most of the time we have here, trying not to dwell on the aches in our hearts. I spent the first decade of our lives in New Zealand homesick for England, before finally recognising that New Zealand is actually where my home is – however much I will always ache for certain parts of England and the people I love who live there. Right now, I have a feeling of home sickness for two countries! I really don’t know how long term trailing spouses with children do it. I have absolute admiration for families working in diplomatic posts of three year durations at a time in various overseas posts.

This experience, for me, with children, is not at all easy, but I know we will look back on this time, the photographs, the happy moments and forget the pain and we shall feel proud of ourselves for giving this a shot. I can’t say how much I feel proud to be a Kiwi by residency and have three New Zealand born children.

This photograph I bought, whilst in San Francisco, last week, holds a lot of meaning to me.

America's Cup

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Linking up this post with ‘Things I’m Loving’ hosted as ‘Catalina’s Cottage‘ this week

5 comments

  1. I empathise with your heartache and trying to settle in a new temporary place. I grew up moving around the world. From when I was 8 we moved to a new country every 2-2 and a half years. Before that we moved about that frequently, but within Australia. I spent my primary school years in Australia, Sweden and Denmark. In Scandinavia we attended local schools and were expected to pick up the language, which we did. Mum forced us to read English books and do extra writing, because we only spoke English at home. I came back to an English speaking school half way through form 3 when we moved to New Zealand. Then on to Wales for my last 2 years of school. I stayed in England for University, but my parents and younger sister continued moving (until she left for University in Australia) to Germany, India, back the Denmark and then Poland. I guess moving is all I knew and we lived life in a 2 year cycle. It was hard at the time. I wouldn’t trade it for anything now and have fond memories from each new place. Now for the first time I have lived where I am now for 5 years. After the 2 year mark I really struggled with the concept of staying. I often wonder what opportunities, adventures or experiences we are missing because we stay. After some struggle I’ve learnt to find contentment where I am and am so grateful I still get to travel, even if it is only on short trips. A book I found useful was “Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds’ by David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken. You may find it useful too. Sorry for the rather long comment! Cx

  2. yachting ;'(
    I’ve never left ‘home’ for long and have always returned
    Love Love Love your photos and the way your write
    Thanks for joining in

  3. Oh Sarah, your pain. This is natural and normal when you experience change. Read up on William Bridges Model or email me if you can’t find it. The kick of it is that you have to ride the roller coaster of change and go with the journey to come out the other side. The important thing is don’t fight the feelings. Let them out because that is part of the process of change itself. Big hugs from wild and windy Wellington xxx

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