Reality hits

I’ve held it together for the day. In a strange house, with my three children, whilst hubbie had his first day in a new office. I’ve answered all the questions. I’ve calmed all the nerves. I’ve been a strong Mamma. I kissed my husband goodbye with a smile. I worked out the washer and did two loads, hung them out to dry in the sun, whilst dipping in and out the pool to watch over my youngest, not yet old enough to swim unsupervised. I cooked my children a healthy breakfast, of ‘dippie’ eggs, fresh from the chooks in the yard. I ran a bath, fixed technological glitches, mopped up puddles from wet togs fresh from the pool, read books, made cars, trains and planes talk in imaginary worlds, and still welcomed home hubbie with another smile. Then back out he went, to dance with the banks, an expat with no credit history in the US of A, knocking on doors, with money to invest. And then, then, I couldn’t hold back any longer. I needed to cry, to stop a while. To feel the ‘me’ buried deep beneath the smiles.

There she was. Hidden for a while, not lost forever. A few more weeks and her family will be settled in a permanent home for a year. Familiar possessions will arrive off a ship from New Zealand. Children will make friends, so will she. They’ll be time to run, time for yoga, time to be, her, again.

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12 comments

    1. I know love, all part of it and I very much appreciate your kind words of support – especially as you know, more than anyone I know, how this really feels. Drank a little too much tonight – never helps – but no time for exercise – so taken an evil shortcut to temporarily blur reality. I’ll be ship shape in a few weeks, for sure x

      1. Sarah these feelings you have a normal you have been through so much in the past few month it is going to take time take care love you

  1. Love this post and I remember each slow slow looong day of ‘keep smiling and keep doing little things’. oh . so . well!!!!! Kia Kaha!

  2. Meanwhile back at the old ranch it is cold, wet, very windy and decidedly miserable. Perhaps the universe is reflecting your sorrowful realisation and that abiding inner fear of such a significant change. But you are going to be fine Sarah. You will find joy and excitement in the discovery and understanding of a new home, new neighbours, new friends and new experiences. Just like our beautiful Wellington the clouds will scurry off, the rain will stop and we will wake up to a clear new dawn and another sunny day in the life. That’s you isn’t it? Make this new place yours – just as you made Wellington yours. And don’t stop sharing please.

  3. This post brought back lots of memories, many not so good! Hang in there. After two overseas moves I still have times when I just need to go off and cry. It’s hard but it will get better 🙂

    1. Thanks, I’m hanging in. Evenings are worse, when I’m exhausted. Things will be easier once we’re in our ‘home’ for a year & I have transport to get around and know the lay of the land. Hubbie is coming home from work a little earlier tonight so I can go for a jog. Little steps 🙂

  4. Thinking of you x baby steps x and I read a post from simple mom – thx for sharing the link x about being rather than doing – just take your time and ‘be’ xxx hugs to you xxx

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